few fact:-
the most grateful and unforgetable truth,
[my gramma love me alot. the day she died, she gave me all her money.
when i received those money (not much, but means a lot to a 11 year old gal)
i don't know that she's leaving, i don't know those are what ever she left in this earth.
i spent them. simply spent. can't even remember what i bought with them.
i'm grateful that she love me the most. on my 20th, i reliesed this truth when i told my mom
about receiving money from gramma.]
the 2 most unforgivable and unforgetable fact,
i feel regret for it(s). i'll never forgive myself and will never forget it.
[on the day my gramma passed away when i'm 11 years old.
i said she has aids. she denied. but i insisted. she passed away because of heart attack.
i'm 11 that year, but yet, i still can't differentiate aids and heart attack.
i'm sorry because i said she has aids. and she proved me wrong by letting me exprience
what is aids and what is heart attack. she died because of heart attack. she's sick that evening.
i seem her feel sick. she saw me, she asked me not to tell my mom. i obey. i should have told my mom afterall. perhaps if i did, she'll not died. that evening, she gave me money. i tot she was just like normal days, giving me money. i'm wrong. it was the last time she give me money. she died that night. i'm the first one to notice her body lying on the floor. i'm so bad. i'm not beside her when she died. u can never guess what i'm doing. it's 1998, commanwel games. i watched tv. i noticed her body because i went to tell her that we going dinner. and i found her lying on the floor. ............................................... what else can i said? she was dead. died because of heart attack. ........................................................... i'm sorry............. i can never forget this.......... never.........]
[2005, an accident. i created few scars on someone's face. ............................... if i'm not selfish, i shouldn't have grab this someone. these scars, forever on this someone's face. i wonder, can these scars be gone? but in my memory...... the scene i grabed this someone..... can never be erase. same like my gramma's incident. the bike is overload and speeding over a bump. i fell.... but i grabed.... 2 fell together.... i..... am not as injured as the other one. this someone's spect...... i can't describe it. as long as i know, the spect caused injure, that made the scar. and...... somehow.... there are other scars..... i created.... because i grabed this someone........ i'm sorry.... nonetheless.... apologize can't erase these scars too. a scar is a mark of mistake done. sometimes, when u did a mistake, the mark did not reflect on u, but on someone else. this feeling is even worse than having the marking on urself.]
2 important person which i can never forget because i created scars on them:-
[my gramma, that girl i grabed when i fell]
2 must do:-
[taking good care of my parent, never let them leaving me without me besides them, they must not leave alone, or be alone]
[do whatever i can for this girl. no matter where, and when. no 'no' for this girl. always 'yes' no matter what she asked]
2 qns:-
i think my boss will sure wonder why i always take leave because my mom need me to fetch her around, i think my boss will never understand why i'll never say no to my mom.
it's because:-
[a promise, i'll never leave her alone or my dad alone when they needed me. no matter when, where, how, i'll also spare my time for them, they are my no.one, althought my mom said, when i start work, i'll act differently, but i think she don't know why i'm acting this way, she don't know the 'gramma incident' story behind all my action. she'll be suprise, because I'LL MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE EVEN IF U WANTED TO SPARE MY CAREER OR WHATEVER AS THE COST, I'M WILLING TO]
i think everyone always wonder why i treat her good, but not to others.
it's because:-
[a promise, i'll do whatever for her.]
2 great teaching:-
[i'll never let my close and dear one to be alone, never simply talk about sickness of someone close and dear if i don't know the truth. if i don't understand or can't differentiate these thing, i must not simply talked about it to my close ones and dear ones.]
[never put someone into dangerous except for myself. make no mistake that may create scars on others. do not let ur cost of mistake reflect on others, especially someone u care of]
6 months later,
i'll be 20th. leaving my teenage.
i'll still never forget this 2 incident.
one happened when i'm 11 and the other when i'm 17.
i hope these incidents tied onto me forever,
so that i'll never forget of my promises to myself,
and live with these young age regrets.
regrets that i made which create suffer on myself and someone else.
