I'm so dead... so dead~

OH CHEESE!

I'm so dead. Sooo DEAD!

I've 5 individual assignments and 2 group assingments to be complete by end of May!

I sucked my life!

SUCKS!

bloody shit! i done nothing but dream for the whole semester!

what have i done?!

i watch movies, i watch drama.

I feel like killing myself when i got addicted onto something.

It really sucks.

suck my life hell of it.

so many 3000 words to be complete.

so many qoutation needed.

so many books to be read.

so many notes to be study.

so many preparation to be done for exam!

oh cheese! Exam seems so f**king near!

its on the first week of june.

3 subject to clear off.

once i'm done,

i'm lost again,

until i found a job.

life is so not clear............

i've many to share,

but i'm in shitty shit now,

so, maybe after this shitty period of time.

I can't believe i just messed my life,

and put myself in this shit!

This is the way we live abstract from the L word

This is the way we live

Girls in tight dresses

Who drag with mustaches

Chicks drivin' fast

Ingenues with long lashes

Women who long, love, lust

Women who give

This is the way

It’s the way that we live

Talking, laughing, loving,

breathing,fighting, fucking,

crying, drinking,riding,

winning, losing, cheating,

kissing, thinking, dreaming.

This is the way

It’s the way that we live

It’s the way that we live

And love

Preparation, Prayer and CNY!

Happy Chinese New Year!
Gong Xi Fa Cai

The week before CNY
Spring cleaning,
bit by bit....
sweep the 'ceiling',
water jetting the balcony,
prayer cleaning....
Every year the same..

CNY
29th of 2008...
before eve...
it was my dad's birthday,
we go makan at one of the serdang restaurant.
cost for around 250++
got shark fins, got steam fish, got herbal chicken,
got soft skin grab, got veges, got "errrrap errrrap". lol
what else? ah! Lao Shang!
nice dinner.
that was the first lao shang that we took.

30th of 2008 CNY eve
Some cleaning, and prayer.
Makan together....
got fish, got chicken, got duck........ got prawn...... got SOUP!
and can't remember anything special. XD
which mean, nothing special.

First day
my family and i makan vege only for this day,
no cookies, no junk, no pork, no chicken, no fish, no gas drink, no soft drink... lol.
only veges, soya ok lo....
water also ok....
my mother's colleagues came to visit.
they have to makan what we makan.
all indian! LOL.
I wonder how my mother be so close and good friend with all Indian..
Indian's lover... XD
Before they finish their food...
one of my uncle came...
he is a christian...
and he did something terrible to his parent who passed away...
once he convert.. he actually throw all the prayer staff, including his parent...
he never pray for them since then....
not going graveyard.... etc...
but... not my business...
I believe there is god...
but my value are different.
i believe all. I don't care who u are, the real god, or guan yin, allah, elephant.
Just tell me, do i have a soul?
If i do have like all religion teaches....
then tell me, when i'm dead, Where is my soul? where is it going?
how it leave my boby? how i enter into a new body?
If none can answer, i'll remain my value...
I know u're there just to guide...
therefore i can choose to follow or not listen at all...
i believe that what i get is what i'd done.
I believe in KARMA. but only it happen in this life.
I believe i was born to repay something....
for some reason, i'm born here, and the people around me appear around me....
But since none of the religion can tell me and where my soul is heading to after death....
So, don't be too serious.... if u over did something.....
like talking bad about other religion to make yours superior....
did it with others... don't do on me.... useless... LOL
I prefer searching by my own... throught books....

of course, my uncle did not try to convict us also la...
i think he's scare of my dad....
cause my dad was once a christian, and almost convert into one. family problem...

At night, my gramma's god daughter and old neighbour came to visit.
they chat alot....
elder son is in Umobile...
daughter is in hotel...
3rd daughter is in secondary,
and the youngest, not sure.

2nd and 3rd day.........
next post la....
busy la~ =)

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year
some words to end 2008
A year gone,
bad thing should be left behind,
start a new year,
hoping to be a better year.
Memory.....
good and bad.....
We keep them from 2006 to 2007,
2007 to 2008,
2008 to 2009.......

A new year,
before chinese new year,
i'd received a message which ask me to evaluate my achievement in 2008.
i did not really read that message and understand it.
I never set any target during 2008.
I never set target in the year of 2009 too.
I'm not confident to myself,
i don't believe that i'll work toward my goals,
therefore, i never set one.

That message was send by a close friend of mine.
She is once a naive person.
She take things seriously when she should,
and she is the joker in the gang.
However, she had changed.
In 2009, she told me of her target.....
I....
I'm speechless.
But i learnt one fact.....
Friendship forever.... Most of the time, people say this....
why people mentioned friendship forever but less people say you and me, friend forever?
friendship, yes, indeed, it'll stay forever,
u can find it anywhere and everywhere,
but faces on that ship might always change.
friends are hard to sustain forever.
Friends are like flower, they are fragile.
flower live for maybe a week, few days, even a day...
friends are almost the same....
when u say something wrong....
something as friend can't mention at all....
that friend's face will jump off from your ship,
to the ocean to look for the right ship....

I care for friend, always....
i believe i did....
at least during the past few years.....
but.... i feel miserable.....
responses i get......
...........
something that i get.....
i feel like jumping off from that ship.....
and swim back to my little island,
where both my folks are.....
where my brothers and sister are....
my family.....

Sometimes... i found things funny....
When i get upset and sad
about my family....
i'll be heal in a day or two....
but when it come to friends....
it'll just add up.....

Anyway, not important....
What i want to say is....
"A new year, the show must go on"
"if u are asked or teach to set a target and work hard to it,
for god sake! set one that can be achievable! Use brain and mind to think!
Which are more important for you. let say,
a student, is studying to score is more important,
or work work work and forget about study
just to get something that ended up burden u even more,
and make u wasted your fees for the study?!"

Where to tell? who to turn to?

...........

I'm feeling bad.

I'm not happy.

Where to tell?

Who should i turn to?

I wonder...

Once, i thought family such as my parent

are always there for me...

when i feel bad, when i feel sad,

i can always go to them....

i can always tell them....

i can always turn to them and cry at them....

But how if i'm not happy or i'm sad because of them?

where? who?

if what i once thought was right,

one day, they will be leaving.....

who next? where next?

Why can't i tell that i'm not happy when i'm not?

i don't even have the right to tell that i'm not happy?

not even allow to compaint a bit?

When i'm not happy,

i need someone that i can tell....

if i don't tell....

don't you think i'm making myself as a bomb...?

One day i'll 'boom' and everything will be too late to be redone....

and i get the blame for that....

why not you just think deep that who made the bomb.........?!

i can't even tell that i'm not happy?

i can't even tell that i'm tired of all this?

........................

I hate this life....

i know some people may want my life so much....

they can't even have the chance to live such a life......

i want to appreciate it a lot...

but i think.... i just can't but fall even deeper into it....

'IT' is the feeling that i don't like this world.

Life is so miserable.....

my mother once said that i were too naive, know too little about this world......

i tell you what......!

i know many things about this world....

i'm not being naive!

i just don't like myself living in this kind of world!!

.............

best way to disappear from this 'not my world'

end myself in it.....

Commit suicide?!

i always think that it is something stupid and foolish....

and i still think it is!

I'll just lock myself and make my heart blind

when i meet something that i'm not happy to....

Life is short......

i don't mind living my life this way for this short life....

it'll ends when its the day it needs to end.

Silent, Joyful, Boxing

Silent Night of 2008

it was really a silent night

As usual,

i went to my grandmother house every silent night since she became a christian.

i don't mind celebrating christmas.

i'm not a christian. but i love festival....

which is more lovely, more silent, joyful, and boxing..... lol.

such as silent night, christmas, and boxing day.

new year day, april fool, easter day too.

except for festival that gives me impression such as

hot, noise, and smoky....

i mean Lunar new year in case u don't get it.

So, i send my kakak to my ama (grandma in hokkien) place

so she can help out..... a bit....

she really didn't help lot....

Ama did everything by herself,

my kakak sit and watch tv only....

Waste my petrol and waste my kakak's time....

I went to the gathering by driving myself,

with my sister,

parent and second bro in another car,

elder bro drove his own car.

shock? why 1 family so many car...?

Kakak have no pace to sit if we drove only 1 car.

if there is seat, will be squishing together.....

with me, and my second bro plus my sis.

i plan to go off earlier one.

when we reach there, we makan lo. as usual.

After makan, we get our presents lo.

actually is cousin distribute the presents and my sis will distribute theirs.

so, after getting the present want to ciao one.

but then one of the little cousin, jun kai

open his present and found out that my sis actually gave him a racing car

which need to be build.

so i help him to build the car.

but at the end, the car can't move. paisei... i'm not good in those... (just an excuse, i also don't know why can't work i followed the instruction)

After that we went back lo.

My elder bro went home with us too.

He brought some broad games back.

such as Life and Monopoly.

so my elder bro, my sis and i played until 4am.

My second bro fix my aunt's laptop until late too...

this is the differences between us....

he don't like board games....

or i shall say we seldom play with our elder bro,

and he don't like to.....

was a tiring night.

My elder bro was the first one to knock off.....

he slept over the game...

and my sis too addicted to the game....

she never let me to withdraw from the game

until i'm bankrupt....

i'm talking about Monopoly....

that's why i'm scared of her...

really.... i ended up cheating her in every game to makeit end faster...... =P

Christmas day of 2008

On the christmas day,

i think i actually went to fraser hill for a half day trip.

Of course, i drove....

and i expand my and get my travelling driving license from my parent to fraser hill.

That afternoon after lunch,

my dad suddenly wanted to go somewhere for a day trip....

i called it half day because when we depart,

it was already 3pm.

we go through the old road from jalan mahameru then go straight.

there is another road at jalan duta.

after that followed the road to rawang.

then the kota kampung bahru.

after that...... can't remember.... but as long as i hit the road....

i'll remember how to go....

Along the way to fraser hill....

there are nice scene....

sideseeing lo....

so we stop by and took some pictures.

that is something we see lo....

big lake with grey blue mountain.... green field.....

The lake was so big.....

small small land on top of it....

i captured the whole image into my mind... at that very moment.

The one who drive the car get the merits...

shortly we arrived at the gap of fraser hill...

where there will be gate and timing for cars and go up hill and come down...

it is known as the gap.

Again, after a narrow zipzap road.

we arrived at the landmark of fraser hill....

the colonial clock tower.....

I still remember while i was little....

My grandma took some picture with me at this spot....

i misses her....

not that christian grandma of mine...

the one who took care of me... my mother's mother...

i love her... she passed away while i was 10....

i think i did something terrible to her...

i'll always remember what i did and never let it happen again to anyone of my close family member.

This is the map of the fraser hill....
the hill is not big....
car can go around the hill in an hour.
there are many nice places to stay and nice scenery.
flower, green field...
fresh air if there is no bus.....
the bus polluted the air.....
if i'm here to have my holiday,
i'll rent a bicycle and ride along the hill....
books to read before i go to sleep...
sit at the garden to play board games with who so ever...
go jungle trekking... and the prior enjoyment will be sleep!! =D


Nice scenery? if i have $$.
i'll go play golf....
if i know how to play....
i'll have a match....
lol.
After awhile, we need to go back down....
because the last down hill will be at 6.30pm.
and the last uphill will be around 7.15pm.

These is what u can see when u come to zipzap and steep curve....
these bamboo will grow and become great protection to fraser and prevention of landslide.
After reaching at the town below Fraser,
we had our dinner there.
we order something normal as usual...
it was tasty...
maybe because i was hungry. lol.


Boxing day of 2008
On the boxing day of 2008,
it was a friday.
my mother took leave on that day.
she had long leave....
we went to Pavilion to have lunch.
without my dad.
my mother, my sis and i.
We walked for so long and we decided to have Ichiban Sushi.
It seems more reasonable compared to other sushi restoran.
we just thought of having sushi.

Ichiban Sushi.... abit expensive...

but compare to sushi king...

more choice, better taste....

a wise choice if u want sushi.

This is Salmon.... my favorite... =)

I had alot of sushi on that day....

These are what we took.

a lot? or little?

after having lunch we decided to go home immediately,

because the charges for the parking would kill us.

while we pay at the automatic machine,

we saw a notice...

if spent above 100, if i'm not mistaken...

we can have 2 hours free of charge...

so we go and claim....

but then....

after that we decide to walk a while and hit at the entrance to have a lot at the deco for christmas.

Newspaper said there is a crystal snow world at the entrance...

but i think we went to the wrong entrance....

the below is what we saw......

disappointed.... lol.

After that we went to Mid valley because i want to go to MPH and my sis want to go to the toy 'r'us to buy monopoly board game.....

so we arrived at mid valley shortly...

after we went to MPH,

went to took few photos.

I must run fast once i pluck the star from the tree....

and hints... i did a lot of plucking and stealing at the end of 2008 and begining of 2009.

that's all for my most joyful season.

Silent night, Christmas day, and boxing day!

....... Elaine's gone.....

........ Elaine is gone.........

Elaine went to USA, Williamsburg, Virgina.

if i'm not mistaken.

So we throw a farewell for her on friday night,

28 of nov.

i'm sad....

because i ended up paying more for the farewell,

so do Chean. =(

I'm also sad that Elaine was leaving.

i will miss her during gathering,

when her voice is not hear.

Me and Chean decided to buy some food and go over to her house for the farewell,

just the night before,

we decided to buy KFC and pack some chinese fried too.

She is incharge of the present,

and i'm incharge of the food.

On that day,

i left my house around 4.45pm.

I went to equine aeon KFC to pack 2 bucket set,

which cost me Rm140,

and pick up Ong.

After picking up Ong,

Chean said we can take our time,

so we decided to go buy chinese fried before getting her.

Fried Rice and "MoonLight river" kuai Teow fried with raw egg.

after packing, we went to pick up Chean and depart to Elaine place.

We reach there at around 6.45pm

which is the earlier.

Me and Chean chat with Elaine for awhile,

Ong was playing with Elaine's PC.

After awhile, around 7.30pm,

we are too hungry to wait for the others,

we decided to take the food first.

We makan, after awhile we discuss who'll be the one who came last.

Ong said Chai Voon and Choi Fui will be the next,

since they are near by.

and Pui Ling will be the last.

Pui Ling came after we talked about her being last,

follow by the others, Chai Voon and sister became the last.

We eat and sing karaoke.

they did not sing karaoke, they actually shout karaoke.

Key all off. that's us.

Took some photo after that.

Group Photo, those who went, almost all.

After that some went back.

First was Chai Voon and Choi Fui,

then Seah,

After Seah went home, those hantu mabuk came.

They asked me to buy 2 dozen cans of Heineken.

I bought 2 Big Bottles.

Because (1) I don't have money, (2) i don't drink.

After they drink,

then Phileas and Fiona went back,

then Hao you and Blacky,

We still stay until 2am i think.

Those with older one la.

Me, Pui Ling, Dason, Chean, Ong.

We sing, and talk, we joke,

and until Elaine's dad came back home.

He lesson and chit chat with us.
About life.

Pui Ling was acting like a child throughout the whole lessoning.

She wanted to go home.

keep on whisppering and barking to Dason.

So we decided to go home when the clock almost hit 2am.

I reach home around 2.45am.

On sunday, 30 Nov.

Chean, Ong, and Me decided to see her taking off at KLIA.

So i msg Pui Ling and dason to see whether they wanted to go.

we went together.

When we reach there around 6.30pm,

we walked around and took some pictures.

We saw a sunset scenery, and we walked closer and decided to go out and took some photos.

after taking photos we went in again and start looking for elaine's friends that came to see her.

We found them and they call elaine to check see whether she reach yet.

It was a suprise for her.

Ah, and this is what Ong and Dason doing when we start looking for elaine.

Ong is pushing him.

Children are looking at them.

It was embrassing to stand near to them or admit that they are with us.

After awhile we saw Elaine....

We quickly hide ourselve behind a big huge pillar.

Pui Ling and Dason keep on saying that she saw us.

but actually, she did not.

So, It suprised!

Before that we all msg her n wish her safe duing the trip,

and lie that we can't make it. lol.

This is how she looks when we saw her.

she is so dump.

She bang the counter with her trolley.

I think she was happy to see her friends at the airport.

She is dump enough to even left her laptop bag at the trolley and walk away quite a distance from it.

After she check in,

As usual, we take photos,

All together first,

and then one with one.

Dason went first. they was thinking how to pose.

so we asked dason to be gentlemen,

and this is it.

Opps, sorry, photo corrupted.

Pui Ling is the second one.

I think both of them always pose.

then Chean.

Elaine decide on the posing.

Why always head have to be near or sticking together?

Afterthat was Ong.

Elaine said she wanted that way.

It's like she is hugging a big teddy bear. LOL.

Lastly, me. =) She decided on the pose of hugging too.

if u can see... i tried to avoid too.

She was trying to did something else.

she pecked on me. =S

And after that we walked around and talk abit....

we take some funny photos.

Dason and Elaine.... Do they MATCH? lol. i've got no comment.

This pose is ok, reasonable.....

the next is.... funny...

What happened on this earth..............

How come the girl is hugging the guy this way....

the guy should be hugging the girl from behind...

Dason seems to be enjoying the huggie. LOl.

I got unspeakable comment on this photo.

Everytime i see it.... i feel....... erm.... better not say...

Ah, by the way,

she went to US with another girl from her college.

This is her, her name is Meow.

Dason is not a friend of her.

Dason told us that she is pretty and he want a photo with her.

So i put him on to the stage by telling Elaine.

Asking Elaine to tell her that Dason admire her,

and wanted a photo with her.

just to see her respond.

if she say no... its ok.

but if she say yes, Dason is going to get his dream girl to take a photo with him.

That girl say YES!

and Elaine managed to bring her over.

Dason jadi turtle pulak.......

But after some teasing... he and she... finally get the shot.

Around 8.45pm, she went and met with her agent,

and she enter into the departure hall....

Bye.